Religious Melancholy
While reading about Lucy Maud Montgomery’s husband, Ewen Macdonald, I came across the old term religious melancholy.
Macdonald was a Presbyterian minister who struggled with depression. Long before modern psychology gave us words like depression, anxiety disorders, trauma-related distress, or religious scrupulosity, people used terms like religious melancholy to describe spiritual suffering. It could include despair, guilt, fear of God’s judgment, feelings of unworthiness, constant self-examination, spiritual anguish, and what was often described as darkness of the soul.
I see through the eyes of an emotional practitioner, and I also grew up in the Protestant tradition. I am familiar with the language, the teachings, and the emphasis on examining one’s spiritual condition. I am also very aware of the scope of human emotional suffering.
So my first question is: “What happened in this person’s life before the symptoms began?”
Ewen Macdonald
Born into a Presbyterian minister’s family, bearing intense religious expectations and social pressures from early childhood.
Endured profound struggles with self-confidence, academic anxiety, and lack of assurance during his university studies.
Suffered a severe nervous breakdown in early adulthood, setting a painful pattern for permanent psychological frailty and deep depression.
Carried the crushing, constant pressures and responsibilities of rural ministry where his employment required maintaining a happy congregation.
Plagued by an adult diagnosis of manic-depressive insanity, causing his behavior and depression to violently swing from catatonic to highly agitated.
Tormented by severe religious melancholy and scrupulosity, becoming deeply convinced and terrified by the fear of being among the “damned.”
Trapped in a taboo illness that had to be kept a shameful secret, causing immense spiritual anguish and a desperate spiritual searching for relief.
Suffered physical and mental deterioration from severe dependencies on toxic prescription barbiturates and bromides, worsening his despair.
Faced progressive isolation, despair, and an overwhelming fear of spiritual rejection, eventually signing himself into a psychiatric sanatorium to escape his internal terror.
journaloflmmontgomerystudies.ca
As I learned about him, I recalled other cases of religious melancholy among influential Christian leaders and theologians throughout history. My interest is not in assigning blame to a belief system, but in understanding the relationship between a person’s experiences, their emotional world, and the beliefs that shaped their lives.
To begin with, these men were all born into Christianity. Their religion was part of their lives from infancy, through childhood, shaping their worldview, and the way they interpreted their struggles.
They also experienced significant losses, hardships, and painful events. Let’s have a look at some of the traumatic events in their lives, and the emotional and spiritual suffering described in their writings.
Aurelius Augustine
Born to a short-tempered pagan father and an overbearing Christian mother, creating severe inner friction, identity confusion, and lifelong inner turmoil.
Suffered adolescent poverty that halted his education for a year, leaving him isolated, restless, and vulnerable to intense peer pressure.
Suffered terrifying physical beatings at school, which his parents and trusted adults openly laughed at, shattering his sense of safety and leaving him with a deep anguish of heart.
Left so psychologically scarred that he later wrote schoolmaster tortures were worse than the torches of Christian martyrs, cementing a profound, chronic guilt.
Endured a near-fatal childhood stomach illness that triggered a premature panic and a desperate longing for salvation over hell and damnation.
Suffered an adult life of severe respiratory issues, chest pains, and chronic voice loss that forced him to abandon his career, compounding his deep, internal restlessness.
Battled profound moral OCD, becoming utterly consumed by lifelong psychological guilt over stealing pears from a tree as a child.
Shattered by his closest friend's sudden death, which plunged him into a profound grief and deep sorrow where everything he looked upon looked like death.
Fell into deep religious melancholy across decades of searching for peace, compounded by the forced exile of his 15-year partner, leaving his restless heart searching for peace.
ccel.org
Martin Luther
Subjected to brutal physical abuse by his mother, who once beat him until the blood came for the minor infraction of stealing a single nut, instilling an early fear of judgment.
Suffered violent floggings from his father, which once left him so physically and emotionally shattered by despair that he ran away from home feeling utter hatred toward him.
Endured a terrifying, terror-filled school environment where he was publicly humiliated with donkey masks and caned fifteen times in a single morning, creating an intense anguish of conscience.
Driven into an Augustinian monastery by an overwhelming panic over death and the immense terror of divine judgment after surviving a near-fatal lightning strike.
Worn down by years of severe self-torment, extreme fasting, and multi-hour confession sessions that brought him to complete physical exhaustion and spiritual torment in an effort to appease a wrathful God.
Targeted as the most wanted man in Europe following the Diet of Worms, forcing him to fake his own death and survive in deep, isolated hiding at Wartburg Castle under heavy pressure as a Reformer.
Assaulted by overwhelming pastoral and systemic pressure as a Reformer, carrying the constant, crushing fear and intense struggles with sin and salvation that his teachings might accidentally destroy the church.
Plagued by an adult life of catastrophic medical suffering and physical illness, including excruciating kidney stones, blinding cataracts, severe arthritis, and crippling chest pains.
Tormented by recurring, terrifying spiritual trials known as Anfechtungen, which left him with intense panic and the agonizing, overwhelming feelings of being rejected or abandoned by God and thrown into hell.
christianhistoryinstitute.org
John Calvin
Suffered the crushing loss of his beloved mother at just five or six years old, an early trauma that cast a long shadow of abandonment, grief, and sorrow over his childhood.
Pushed by a demanding, stern lawyer father into an intense legal career under strong moral and religious expectations, creating deep internal conflict and spiritual struggle before his father died excommunicated.
Forced to flee his homeland of France in total secrecy to escape violent religious persecution, living the rest of his life through the pain of exile as an uprooted foreigner in Switzerland.
Shattered by profound family grief as all three of his infant children died consecutively in childbirth or shortly after, leaving his household in perpetual mourning and deep sorrow.
Devastated by the sudden death of his wife Idelette after only nine years of marriage, calling her the best companion of his life and experiencing massive suffering and weeping for years over her loss.
Carried massive leadership responsibilities under constant political and religious conflict, regularly receiving death threats, insults, and armed intimidation that tested his spiritual endurance.
Endured a brutal, lifelong battle with catastrophic physical illnesses and ongoing suffering, including chronic agonizing migraines, gout, kidney stones, spitting of blood from hemorrhages, and tuberculosis.
Faced intense spiritual struggles as his relentless physical pain and external persecution constantly tested his endurance, forcing an acute, humbling awareness of his own human weakness and absolute dependence on God.
banneroftruth.org
John Bunyan
Endured sudden childhood bereavement at age sixteen when his mother passed away, followed tragically by the death of his sister just four weeks later, sparking an early distress of soul.
Faced immediate family betrayal when his father hastily remarried a mere eight weeks after his mother's death, driving a bitter wedge of doubt and resentment into the household.
Conscripted at sixteen into the Parliamentary Army during the bloody English Civil War, surviving a near-death combat encounter that left him with a lingering fear and psychological shock.
Shattered by the death of his first wife, who left him entirely alone to care for and feed four young children under the weight of extreme poverty and intense family hardship.
Suffered from a profound, terrifying form of moral OCD, religious melancholy, and spiritual anguish, enduring years of obsessive, blasphemous thoughts that tormented his consciousness.
Experienced severe, overwhelming panic, temptation, and a deep fear that he had accidentally committed the unpardonable sin and was unalterably damned and feeling condemned to hell.
Arrested and locked away for twelve long years in a damp, disease-ridden Bedford jail for preaching without a license, forcing him into a state of long-term despair.
Endured agonizing emotional trauma and distress of soul in prison from being forcibly separated from his second wife and his vulnerable children.
Plagued by constant, crushing anxiety, doubt, and fear over his blind daughter Mary surviving starvation and destitution without his protection.
https://ccel.org
Richard Baxter
Suffered early childhood abandonment when he was sent away to live with his grandparents for nearly ten years due to his father's destructive gambling debts, fostering an early melancholy.
Witnessed the agonizing, slow death of his maternal grandfather, which deeply scarred his young mind with a profound, premature dread, fear, and sadness regarding death and eternity.
Plagued from the age of fourteen by a relentless, terrified obsession and anxiety over his own salvation, enduring a perpetually troubled conscience under strict Puritan self-examination.
Endured a lifetime of catastrophic physical suffering, including a severe tubercular condition, crippling coughing fits, bleeding lungs, and excruciating kidney stones from early adulthood onward.
Forced to live under constant medical torture, experimenting with dangerous remedies that only worsened his distress of mind, sadness, and concern for the state of the soul.
Served as a military chaplain during the English Civil War, where witnessing mass slaughter and horrific battlefield trauma deeply worsened his chronic melancholy, fear, and anxiety.
Targeted with severe legal persecution for choosing to remain a Nonconformist pastor, which repeatedly stripped him of his home, his library, his property, and his peace of mind.
Hounded by continuous, bitter conflicts within the churches he served, which repeatedly shattered his troubled conscience and his deep desire for religious peace and unity.
Thrown into a damp, freezing prison during his frail old age, experiencing massive distress of mind while being publicly mocked and verbally abused during a period of intense persecution.
puritanlibrary.com
Jonathan Edwards
Raised in an intense, high-pressure Puritan household under a demanding minister father, instilling a lifelong habit of relentless, exhausting self-examination and concern for the condition of the soul.
Suffered an intense three-year period of severe emotional and spiritual distress starting in 1723, which left his mind in a profoundly low, dark, and sunk estate of deep reflection.
Endured sudden, crushing grief and sorrow when his brilliant and beloved sister Jerusha died of a sudden illness at just seventeen years old, followed shortly after by the death of his father-in-law.
Watched his close friend and prospective son-in-law, David Brainerd, die a slow, agonizing death from tuberculosis inside the Edwards family home, deeply shaking the household with emotional intensity.
Faced bitter community conflict after serving his Northampton congregation for twenty-three years when his church turned hostile and rejection mounted over his strict communion rules.
Suffered deep public humiliation, sorrow, and rejection when his own congregation voted overwhelmingly to abruptly dismiss him and expel him from his pulpit.
Forced into a harsh, deeply isolated exile on the dangerous remote frontier of Stockbridge, Massachusetts, serving as a missionary under extreme financial strain and physical isolation.
Fell into a heavy, lingering sorrow and spiritual distress over the spiritual state of his former flock and the intense polarization of the churches following the Great Awakening.
yale.edu
Charles Spurgeon
Was the oldest of 17 children, but suffered recurring emotional struggles and deep sadness as nine of his siblings died in infancy.
Sent away at 18 months old to be raised by his grandparents due to extreme family poverty, enduring an early life of heavy family demands and separation.
Lived in a form of survival-driven exile from his parents until nearly five years old, creating an early foundation for recurring emotional struggles.
Suffered childhood clinical depression and melancholy from ages 10 to 15, becoming utterly obsessed with his own sinfulness.
Described his young mind during those teenage years as a "dungeon" of despair and emotional darkness.
Preached to over 10,000 people at age 22 when malicious pranksters shouted "Fire!", causing a horrific stampede that left seven people dead and dozens injured.
Completely collapsed upon realizing people died and had to be carried from the hall, plunging into an immediate, heavy discouragement.
Spent weeks in a deep, dark depression, later writing that his soul went as close to "the burning furnace of insanity" as a man could go without losing his mind completely.
Suffered a lifelong battle with PTSD, severe clinical depression, and a perpetual heaviness of spirit directly triggered by the music hall tragedy.
Famously stated that due to his emotional darkness, he often wept for hours without knowing why.
Endured heavy ministry demands, relentless public criticism, and exhausting schedules that left him in a state of chronic exhaustion.
Worsened by agonizing physical gout and chronic health failures that deeply intensified his seasons of deep sadness and discouragement.
spurgeon.org
John Wesley
Traumatized at five years old when his family rectory caught fire, barely escaping death through a window moments before the roof collapsed, leaving him with an inner conflict and lifelong obsession with salvation.
Raised under an intense, severe theological system by his mother Susanna, who actively broke her children's wills before they could speak to ensure total obedience to God. She famously held that a parent must conquer their stubbornness and break the will if you would not damn the child, viewing a child's natural independence as a direct path to hell, and enforcing a total emotional suppression where children were trained from infancy to cry softly through fear of the rod.
Subjected to a rigorous home environment of clockwork scheduling and relentless, forced childhood self-examination imposed by his mother, which left him with zero personal freedom or mental rest.
Conditioned by this severe upbringing to develop deep religious scrupulosity, establishing a painful lifelong pattern of anxiety, self-doubt, and impossible spiritual expectations.
Plagued for over a decade by an agonizing want of assurance regarding his salvation, carrying an intense, terrified uncertainty and fear of death that haunted his daily spiritual searching.
Suffered a humiliating missionary disappointment and failure in Savannah, Georgia, where his rigid legalism alienated his entire parish and left him in deep discouragement and spiritual darkness.
Shattered by a messy, broken romance in the colonies with Sophia Hopkey, which ended in deep bitterness of soul and a severe inner conflict that damaged his ministry.
Forced to flee Georgia in total secrecy and disgrace, writing in his journal during a terrifying, storm-tossed Atlantic crossing that he was horribly afraid to die and suffered a profound, chronic want of assurance.
Endured decades of violent mob persecution after his Aldersgate conversion, regularly facing angry crowds that pelted him with stones and left him in constant physical danger and acute distress.
Trapped in a miserable, abusive marriage to Mary Vazeille, who openly mocked him, traveled under aliases to spy on him, forged letters to frame him for adultery, and physically assaulted him before ultimately deserting him, leaving him completely dejected.
Carried the crushing, decades-long physical and mental strain of riding over 250,000 miles on horseback and preaching over 40,000 sermons, while constantly battling chronic respiratory illness, exhaustion, and a heavy, unyielding state of heaviness.
Mapped out his ongoing battle with internal suffering by recording periods of severe trouble and heaviness where anxiety and mental oppression occurred simultaneously, noting that a constant, restless uneasiness and the exhausting assault of being buffeted with temptations frequently forced him into long seasons of mourning deeply.
https://ccel.org
When I ask, “What happened in this person’s life before the symptoms began?” and learn some of their story, it changes how I see people, both from history and in the present.
Religious melancholy is not a term we hear very often today, but emotional and spiritual struggles continue to be a part of the human story. I think bringing these experiences, beliefs, and circumstances into the light allows us to look at human suffering with greater understanding, compassion, and contemplation. I sometimes think about how different the world would be if therapy had been available to these men.